Baby, baby

Sometimes I wonder why people have children and what the purpose of them are for those children to have the parents that they have. There is a 20 year old girl in my ward who is not married, who comes to church, who is somewhat active, if you want to call it that...however...she has a few screws loose. 20 months ago so had a little boy named William, the father is a member yet not active either....ok, so I said that she comes to church...that doesn't mean that she can partake of the sacrament right because she had a baby out of wedlock, well, she does and there is NO place for me to judge...I know that things happen believe me, I'm not one to judge! However, again, in November she gave birth again to another little boy named Malachi by the same guy, who is the dad of the first...who again has a few loose screws...ok...now that you kind of know where I am going with this, what makes it fair that a wife like me or a mom want to be, can't have any? What is the deal with me, did I do something wrong? Am I such a terrible person that I am not blessed with kids? Or is it that my kids are so special that Heavenly Father is preserving them for the worst of times? Are my kids going to come from dope headed mothers and parents that are imprisoned who can't take care of them? Will my kids come after all grandparents are in the grave and they won't meet them until the 2nd coming? Is there something wrong with me that I haven't taken care of through the priesthood so it's all my fault? It just doesn't seem fair! In fact, from a female perspective, it isn't fair and I feel like crap about it. Why does my patriarchal blessing tell me 2 times that my kids will bring great joy to me and that I'll be a mother in Zion and yet I'm pushing closer to 40 and don't have anything to show for it!

I am currently serving in nursery and I love it. I wouldn't change the callings for anything! I love to read to them, play with them, tickle them, cry with them, laugh with them and talk to them about spiritual things! Am I just not ready yet? If I can't communicate very well with adults, how can I explain simple, basic gospel principals to small children? Maybe I'm in nursery to learn these benevolent truths first so that I can do them at home and have a peaceful home!

I just bought my nephew and niece some awesome books that I'm jealous of. I wanted to keep them so that I can add them to my collection but I am going to send them anyways because they'll need them way before I do, and because I won't see them most of their lives, I can't not send them! I'll be mailing them off this week, as soon as I can get my debit card with USAA to function properly...you know, add the money to the account!

My very good friend, Amiee Finster gave birth to baby #3 this last Monday. It was so awesome. You'll see some pictures here. This is the Finster family....Max, Amiee, Portia, Payton and the latest, Samantha.


I hope you can see the picture! She is a complete duplicate of Amiee.